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Since my father bought this place, I'm really wondering if it's possible to find an alternative place in maybe Sterling Heights or Ypsilanti. I've got family my age around Ann Arbor.
I'd also prefer moving away from the St Clair region. I spent years of my life in psychiatric treatment in Mount Clemens and have no desire to associate with the city, attended Neil Reid with is down the block and have no desire to remember that school or any associations which took root from it.
On top of that, I lived in a group home called St Clair group home and another just down the road called Zachary. They were about 1-4 miles from the water. I lived in one called Sugarbush which was a few hundred yards from the water.
I have a very significant negative nervous system response to the very idea of living in this space. I don't even like boating and everyone dad knows who does is a conservative gun owner and I feel uncomfortable when I think about that... I can't see any positives from this area.
My greatest concern is, I don't know if this was his plan for a permanent, til death zone or the beginning of a life. It's hindering both... and the ruminating depressed anxiety around this space is just making what life I do have here feel miserable.
I have friends who live in Warren, am very familiar with Sterling Heights and the beautiful trail systems of Dodge Park, Riverbends and the system that stretches into Rochester. Ypsilanti is a ludicrously beautiful area with gorgeous trees and a thriving art community. Maybe even being walking distance to a town like Royal Oak or Ferndale would be nice. I quite enjoyed Livonia.
I don't want the home from which I am meant to begin or end to be near Lake St. Clair.
What about living closer to Brooklyn? The family spends ample time at the lake house after 2 hour drives. We even have family who moved into the same neighborhood as gramma Ro and Gramp Hal built that house.
Either way, forests, trees, trails and art are far more important to me than proximity to a vast expanse of nothingness in a body of water tied to Canada.
Is this a discussion able to be had? I'd like it to be. I think it’s unreasonable to forcible tie someone to a community they hate just because you bought something and tried to force friendship with someone they don’t even want to spend time with. Then, call the person being controlled "the problem."
In this instance, "the problem" is poor communication and possibly avoidance of conflict over a very serious issue that impacts someone's life and possibly their entire future.
"Beggers can't be choosers." I didn't ask to be in this town. I certainly didn't ask for access to a boat. In fact, I just spent years trying to live elsewhere, all failing due to the financial and legal restrictions I faced. I actually lived in Livonia, Warren and Sterling Heights. I loved each and every town.
I don't love Harrison Township. I feel trapped here. I have been actively defying the idea of being at the boat since childhood. I have and will always feel uncomfortable, emotionally dysregulated and just overwhelmingly shitty on the boat.
However, when I think about it... I do have some in-class credits from Macomb Community College when I attended center campus which can be applied to South campus. Maybe planning around that would be reasonable.
I don't have all the answers and I make many mistakes. It's harmful to believe anyone has all the answers and it's important to examine ourselves and accept that maybe mistakes were made and communication wasn't at its peak in certain situations.
Harm is usually done by people unwilling to collaborate. It's perpetuated by inaction from bystanders but the best way to make the "right decisions" is to talk about them.
I know it's probably hard to believe, coming from the life of cars and boats, but I don't want a life filled with jet skis, atvs, boats, engines and just... unnecessary stuff. I don't mind knowing people who do certain things but I don't want a car specifically chosen to engage in that stuff.
I miss my PT Cruiser more than anyone seems to be willing to accept. I enjoy being straightedge. I enjoy sobriety enough that I am willing to suffer isolation in order to maintain that sobriety.
I'd rather have a sober life in which I can take a walk in nature or visit a museum or art gallery. I'm not into this life in the ways people seem to automatically assume based on my dad being an engineer.
The things I find exciting are seeing new places, trying new food, feeling the energy of interesting people. That's a simple and beautiful life, to me. I feel so stressed around certain people that I shut down and can't even feel comfortable ordering in restaurants so I default to a burger, steak, salad, chicken parm or when all else fails... chicken fingers.
With others, I'm "adventurous" because they act in ways and express themselves in ways that allow me to feel safe doing so.
It would really be wonderful if this world were more enthusiastic about listening and communicating than making absolute decisions to force their values on others just because they didn't want to burden you with letting you know how much they don't like you.
...but that's not the nature of some communities. Some communities aren't willing to understand attributing factors for people's behaviors and decisions. They're more focused on believing they know and therefore will decide on "what's best."
I'm basically powerless in my own life to a degree that living in the woods behind riverbends was the most empowering thing I've done in years.
I get it.
You "CAN MAKE SOMEONE ACCEPT" what you're putting them through by cutting them off from everything else.
That doesn't mean it's good for them. It just means you know how to shame them into silence and resentful acceptance which might eventually turn into conflict that you punish and point fingers at.
Yes, I've actually resorted to begging through a sense of powerlessness not to be associated with the Lake St Clair area or the Wertz/Water Warriors community and their associated lifestyles.
I've been meticulously and repetitively journaling about it for ten years and panic-dumping on every single therapist I've had about it. None of that seems to be getting me anywhere.
So, I'm speaking up.
I have now officially thrown away every single instrument I've ever owned. I've also disposed of each and every game system, video game, gaming network account including associated email accounts.
I'm not afraid to let go of things that never served me.
I AM afraid to live a life that fills me with misery and lacks creative wonder or experimentation. I'm afraid to be stuck in one miserable place... and starting with a miserable place is one way of guaranteeing a life in one miserable place.
I got my vasectomy as an intentional message. I have my straightedge tattoos and an intentional message.
Clearly, I am not involved with people who give a shit.
I'd also prefer moving away from the St Clair region. I spent years of my life in psychiatric treatment in Mount Clemens and have no desire to associate with the city, attended Neil Reid with is down the block and have no desire to remember that school or any associations which took root from it.
On top of that, I lived in a group home called St Clair group home and another just down the road called Zachary. They were about 1-4 miles from the water. I lived in one called Sugarbush which was a few hundred yards from the water.
I have a very significant negative nervous system response to the very idea of living in this space. I don't even like boating and everyone dad knows who does is a conservative gun owner and I feel uncomfortable when I think about that... I can't see any positives from this area.
My greatest concern is, I don't know if this was his plan for a permanent, til death zone or the beginning of a life. It's hindering both... and the ruminating depressed anxiety around this space is just making what life I do have here feel miserable.
I have friends who live in Warren, am very familiar with Sterling Heights and the beautiful trail systems of Dodge Park, Riverbends and the system that stretches into Rochester. Ypsilanti is a ludicrously beautiful area with gorgeous trees and a thriving art community. Maybe even being walking distance to a town like Royal Oak or Ferndale would be nice. I quite enjoyed Livonia.
I don't want the home from which I am meant to begin or end to be near Lake St. Clair.
What about living closer to Brooklyn? The family spends ample time at the lake house after 2 hour drives. We even have family who moved into the same neighborhood as gramma Ro and Gramp Hal built that house.
Either way, forests, trees, trails and art are far more important to me than proximity to a vast expanse of nothingness in a body of water tied to Canada.
Is this a discussion able to be had? I'd like it to be. I think it’s unreasonable to forcible tie someone to a community they hate just because you bought something and tried to force friendship with someone they don’t even want to spend time with. Then, call the person being controlled "the problem."
In this instance, "the problem" is poor communication and possibly avoidance of conflict over a very serious issue that impacts someone's life and possibly their entire future.
"Beggers can't be choosers." I didn't ask to be in this town. I certainly didn't ask for access to a boat. In fact, I just spent years trying to live elsewhere, all failing due to the financial and legal restrictions I faced. I actually lived in Livonia, Warren and Sterling Heights. I loved each and every town.
I don't love Harrison Township. I feel trapped here. I have been actively defying the idea of being at the boat since childhood. I have and will always feel uncomfortable, emotionally dysregulated and just overwhelmingly shitty on the boat.
However, when I think about it... I do have some in-class credits from Macomb Community College when I attended center campus which can be applied to South campus. Maybe planning around that would be reasonable.
I don't have all the answers and I make many mistakes. It's harmful to believe anyone has all the answers and it's important to examine ourselves and accept that maybe mistakes were made and communication wasn't at its peak in certain situations.
Harm is usually done by people unwilling to collaborate. It's perpetuated by inaction from bystanders but the best way to make the "right decisions" is to talk about them.
I know it's probably hard to believe, coming from the life of cars and boats, but I don't want a life filled with jet skis, atvs, boats, engines and just... unnecessary stuff. I don't mind knowing people who do certain things but I don't want a car specifically chosen to engage in that stuff.
I miss my PT Cruiser more than anyone seems to be willing to accept. I enjoy being straightedge. I enjoy sobriety enough that I am willing to suffer isolation in order to maintain that sobriety.
I'd rather have a sober life in which I can take a walk in nature or visit a museum or art gallery. I'm not into this life in the ways people seem to automatically assume based on my dad being an engineer.
The things I find exciting are seeing new places, trying new food, feeling the energy of interesting people. That's a simple and beautiful life, to me. I feel so stressed around certain people that I shut down and can't even feel comfortable ordering in restaurants so I default to a burger, steak, salad, chicken parm or when all else fails... chicken fingers.
With others, I'm "adventurous" because they act in ways and express themselves in ways that allow me to feel safe doing so.
It would really be wonderful if this world were more enthusiastic about listening and communicating than making absolute decisions to force their values on others just because they didn't want to burden you with letting you know how much they don't like you.
...but that's not the nature of some communities. Some communities aren't willing to understand attributing factors for people's behaviors and decisions. They're more focused on believing they know and therefore will decide on "what's best."
I'm basically powerless in my own life to a degree that living in the woods behind riverbends was the most empowering thing I've done in years.
I get it.
You "CAN MAKE SOMEONE ACCEPT" what you're putting them through by cutting them off from everything else.
That doesn't mean it's good for them. It just means you know how to shame them into silence and resentful acceptance which might eventually turn into conflict that you punish and point fingers at.
Yes, I've actually resorted to begging through a sense of powerlessness not to be associated with the Lake St Clair area or the Wertz/Water Warriors community and their associated lifestyles.
I've been meticulously and repetitively journaling about it for ten years and panic-dumping on every single therapist I've had about it. None of that seems to be getting me anywhere.
So, I'm speaking up.
I have now officially thrown away every single instrument I've ever owned. I've also disposed of each and every game system, video game, gaming network account including associated email accounts.
I'm not afraid to let go of things that never served me.
I AM afraid to live a life that fills me with misery and lacks creative wonder or experimentation. I'm afraid to be stuck in one miserable place... and starting with a miserable place is one way of guaranteeing a life in one miserable place.
I got my vasectomy as an intentional message. I have my straightedge tattoos and an intentional message.
Clearly, I am not involved with people who give a shit.
