seeyat

My weekly meetings with my therapist plus additional weekly meetings with Yvette Erasmus’ Conversations From The Heart community bring me hope along with pretty consistent communication skills studies and adaptations for emotional empathy in a radically non-conducive world.

Marshall Rosenberg’s work and Nonviolent Communication bring me hope.

The way the lgbt community is standing up for itself and I see so many people peacefully protesting the current administration brings me hope.

My cousin who’s now retired after 17 years of being a city supervisor brings me hope. My uncle, a retired fire chief and educator brings me hope. His daughter, a 911 operator and her husband, a cop brings me hope. My good friend and his brother, current firefighter, brings me hope. Their family of healthcare workers and educators bring me hope. My brother in law’s sister, a teacher, brings me hope. My friend from high school, a college educator, brings me hope.

That I know so many beautiful, capable people who are truly doing all they can for people, brings me hope.

My friend from junior high and my buddy’s girlfriend currently attending college in their 30s brings me hope. My cousin, now in his 40s and retired from the Air Force, just finishing his associates degree gives me hope.

My straightedge tattoos and Scout determination plus reconnecting with BSA friends and childhood friends bring me hope. My vasectomy brings me hope.

My sister’s children and all the literally dozens of amazing kids in my family bring me hope.

My brother in law and his dad’s small business that I could potentially work at brings me hope. That I have a current, valid enhanced license brings me hope.

I also have a camera and a family of people who love to be celebrated. My brother in law and sister have a million dollar Star Wars basement and half a dozen or more cosplay, some commissioned for thousands of dollars and they know quite a few comic and toy collectible traders and collectors who could use a proper photographer… and my father is a Dodge Viper engineer who’s currently touring North America with his gen IV Viper and trailer to be driven at raceways across the continent.

Dad's friends also own and race the 2 SRT Neons his buddy and him built back in the early 00s with a few other cars under Jankowski Motorsport.

Plus a few cousins have a large amount of collector cars they race on track days and bring to auto shows.

Being a photographer is bringing me hope.

…and I’m hoping to differentiate from people who want me to use my camera for their OF content but I’m also desperate for loving community so there’s that.

My abilities only within the words I spread upon the pages of memory
Setting hearts and minds wandering through the distances and seas
This again, not as fluent as a thought, the candle put out
Always was as it will be, I am not in the mind to wait and wonder
My compasion in this fashion set aside to see the storm goes under
Your mind, not mine, it's known now as I lose myself to your words
I believe in you so much this time to chronicle what's heard
Inside forever now from this undoubted shouting fit
Once bitten then removed from mouths so willing to commit
I'll be this man, forever there to lend a helping hand
Though it may not be always in my power to command
Your hearts forever open as I care to be your guide
No more shall this portrayal of a man be what I hide

Rest your head, these moments are no longer
Those passed, perhaps all we could long for
Nothing to gain, nothing to lose
Our hearts in what we choose
Where life will find its place

Nothing more than a passionless embrace
All these anxious tears to fall that time would soon erase
Worthiness in question, though it should never be
Life in all its facets never allowed to see
Nothing to face

Let the leaves flutter calmly in the breeze
The branches find their sway with the music of the seas
Stars shining brightly against black and cloudless skies
The sounds of nature find us when we slowly close our eyes
We are the chosen, a wish to press

We hope to know but, so fruitless
Life has failed to find itself upon request
All its moments known have redirected
This miracle of monuments is never as expected
A perfect failure, none so hopeless

I'll always be caught within the memories we made
The soulful sound of music as night arose from day
Kind hearts and heavy laughter singing for miles
Never needing a destination, such elation
Our only worry where we'd find a gas station
Never meant to travel far from home, not our style

I'd find these memories passed on
Halted and held, forever wished upon
An upper body ballroom in the seats behind
These are the dreams I wanted to find, open skies
No matter the image I found, the oldest presence, a gift
This ghost in the shadows of the pillars, lights pass and it shifts

I'll always be caught within the memories we made
Learning about love from friends as the music played
Breathing sighs as we realized the time flew by
Ever reading life's design, when we'd find the time
It never really mattered who found the first dime
Raise the fuel gauge once more, the highway's dry

Making poor life choices, hopping mounds
Drifting circles round, dust and dirt the gravel bounds
Only for a moment was this the life to gleam
It was important for a time to chase his dream
Here and now is passion in these open skies
Not mine and I am nothing without your shining eyes
Nothing without your song, without our words
I'd muffle the world just to find them heard

I remember being caught in the memories we made
Now so quickly fading with the songs no longer played
It's time to breathe and open my own eyes
Time is fleeting, and there's no defeating it
Just one choice in how we see to meeting it
Upon the wings of angels could our future soon arise
Embrace the dream, set your sights and sever ties
Because time will wait for no one and I dream of open skies

Confined within this coffin state
unaccustomed to such a fate
Not when there is choice for I wish to hear a voice
Alone is not lonely, or could it not be, unsure
This sickness and the rain, agony endured
Surely there is more to do, so many rooms
I think of things to pass the time, nothing here
My heart begging to reach out, a social drought
Wet is the ground I have found, the sky begins to cry
As a tear leaves my own eye there is less now
I stare blankly at this screen, hoping to daydream
Understanding the passion behind words must scream
Fate tempted by this longing to be more
Reaching these shores that I have always wished for
Heavy hearts, weeping in the rain
No, I will not cause you pain, for you must know
You are the ones for whom my heart does grow
I dream of great things, as do many, as do all
Such light can shine as colors of the fall
We are where the dream becomes a cause
Humanity enduring natures laws
A beautiful ballet of helping hands
Remembering the beauty in this world could be set free
Who can I be, I wish to see

Give me water, give me wine
Life is all we know
Live tomorrow, living kind
For love not letting go
Today is all our eyes can see
Becoming what we are
Forever in our arms could be
We must always reach so far
When kindness has been all but seized
When all the world is scared
Our hopeful dreams of memories
Cast off without a prayer
Within the past, we see ourselves
Hearts hidden by our minds
Settled dust upon the shelves
Things long untouched we find
To become is to remind

Love found bound to the ground
I pass on all inclination to astound
Calling out the moment sounds
Describe yourself as perseverance
When doubt is running interference
Could this dream be more
Something called for
Unlike before, real and pure
Of this I'm sure
Without my soul to endure
Just one time, there are many
Don't refuse your own approval
Force your own hand until removal
Granted defiance through compliance
Underhanded, undemanding
Such a tone commanding
Always a way to stay standing
Ride, run, walk, all the ways
Each and every day, go or stay
This fight is for the kindest
The gentlest hearts will be
Setting free the love in me
We will always see, undeniably
Loved, hated, unfated to destiny
The future once debated
The one we've yet created

  I'm here listening to frakking Kidneythieves and thinking... "This is awesome. Why can't people appreciate music for its creative influence." and I miss that. Bruce Somers delivers a percussion-focused rock in a melodic/rhythmic sense, heavily reliant on electronics most but all is likely possible with a kit. The guitar is light and takes less attention when desired from the deeply apparent ambient synthesizers. The singer Free Dominguez, demands attention during most of her singing but when she wants to fall back in priority, her voice is softened and actually sounds distant. There are soft, reverberating vocals and hints of piano throughout the album Taxicab Messiah, as well as the use of violins and it all comes together to create a deeply thought-provoking and slightly disturbing musical experience falling under the category of light industrial music and it could easily be considered a good way to take a step into industrial music.

  I highly suggest you take a listen and see for yourself. There are strong lyrics and language used and hints of a subdued solitude that to me, actually reminds me of how the world is. There is no life without inherent loneliness at times. You can also find strength and determination, so there is no shortage of reasons to take a few minutes to listen to some tracks or maybe play through an album to form a solid opinion.

  Be Love
~Bryan

Defiantly describe to me this battlefield you face
Make haste with your description, not a word can go to waste
For all the unmade memories we've yet to have misplaced
You've died so many times, you've bled and made your case

Skies so blue reflected rays of sunlight in the clouds
Do things in ways that scream so silently that you are proud
Break through the faulted stars that glisten secretly so loud
Undying in their dedicated task to pierce this shroud

I've known you well before the moments placed before our eyes
This present gift of time defies the cries I hear that pry
Inside a twisted memory decaying as it ties
I'll someday reach a precipice that holds before it dies

When moments free of doubt have given forth a life so pure
And all the truth inside us tells us we can now be sure
Your smile is a reminder and your pain I do endure
So quickly does it torture me upon my journey's tour

Clearly, this reality is better than their dream
As we are all susceptible to faith in what we gleam
Where purity of heart can bleed through, bursting at the seems
The war that rages on with those we once called on for steam

This power that defies all odds, all gods, as it is love
The one and only movement we should surely hold above
Your peace, your pale reality can feel like a shove
Though just for now I do believe your hands should don a glove

By knowing there is something broken in this unknown time
A missing piece, and extra phrase that crowds a perfect rhyme
I know you can find comfort knowing there was just an extra dime
A step within the ladder that we very few must climb

It's days of broken chaos that remind us where we stand
These days of deep reflection when it's wrong to just hold hands
Where hugs and holds and love so bold have all been roughly banned
Call on your thoughts and memories that could be deemed a brand

So all the world around you can be bettered by your voice
Be proud, sing loud and tear the shroud, defiance is a choice
The pain they'll cause by holding back the laughter heard as noise
I beg you, let this fear of life be lost again, as we all should stand at poise

We are one to love, to hold so far above, pure of heart, ready to dance
We must wait for this moment to be seen, to take our chance
Until then, sing, sing loud for all to hear, without fear, that is my stance
For so many are just passers-by whom we spare a second glance

There is so much to discover of this heart
There is no way to tell what should be
Could there be faith in a soul defined by its past
As a moment in time is a notch in its mask
This falling we feel in the days that we steal
The time, we deny it could ever be real
We have no way to know when we've taken our time
Defining ourselves without reason or rhyme
Find peace in the memories made with your friends
Colliding together with hearts that don't end
I smile ever slightly to think of this so
The peace in those hearts will always glow
As though this soul you see, the piece of me
The one you cannot believe, may not be
I still fear the unknown, as I always have
Disguising myself with the darkness that saves
Awaiting a love to bring light to my name
Something undying, to truly remain
We are naught but the sum of an incomplete puzzle
In souls with descriptions of life soon unmuzzled
Fairness, we're careless in some of our days
Accepted completely, the faith in our ways
For futures unbound to the known in this world
Through birth, we are made, but through life grown as pearls
Our love can be real, it can be an illusion
Use love to define you until its conclusion