Dec 30 2025 - planning for 2026 and beyond

So, dad's Kennonball Run is in August. As is cousin Mike's Waterford Hills pony car classics parade. I shot both of these events from the passenger seat of a car; Viper during the Kennonball as it's primarily a Viper road rally and Mike's Trans Am for the Waterford Hills track day.

I noted significant G-forces in the Trans Am and suspect it could get much more difficult to handle a larger lens, given the space available and the angles I stretch for. The Viper offers... different ...limitations. The bucket seat and tiny space available make turning around rather difficult.

When I consider these things along with what I expect to be the conditions for the SnoDrift rally in Michigan's February weather... I **think** I have a base photography and videography plan.

I'm considering picking up a certified refurbed Osmo Action 5 pro and a Smallrig cage for it. This is valuable for versatility in conditions that would threaten my Nikon. It also allows me the freedom to shoot photos with Nikii... and the SmallRig cage matches well with the SmallRig Night Eagle cage I already have on Nikii.

I plan on having a Zoom M3 Mictrak attached to Nikii for tracking car noise. It's bulky but it's a good start. Still a $200 investment but worth it in my eyes. It can additionally be used for concert audio, protest audio if I choose to attend and record in similar ways to Ben Staley... although I'd prefer the more compact dji Mic 3 to be attached and recording 32-bit, unclipped audio... and the Osmo Action 5 pro is compatible with the dji Mic series so there's a bonus in there.

So, this is the state of my brainstorm. I'll be working with a 28/2.8 and 50/1.8. Dad's always been the sort of person to hear a plan like this, centered on his hobbies and jump in headfirst but he's also been spending time with more judgmental people and has apparently picked up some of their versions of toxic dismissiveness.

He was always a little emotionally immature since his parents needed to offer 24/7 care for his older brother, Rick. Dad never had the level of emotional availability that kids require to form healthy emotional intelligence since Uncle Rick couldn't even walk without aid and it took him about 5 minutes to navigate a single set of stairs.

Uncle Rick's soft spot never healed, so there was an additional fear of him falling over and dying. Protect the flat spot on his head... he was a joyful, beautiful, nonverbal human nonetheless.

Anyway... Osmo Action 5 Pro, SmallRig cage, dji Mic 3, Zoom M3 MicTrak... and follow up with a secure, protected backpack that I can easily open and reach into from the passenger seat of a small sports car. Probably doable with Ben Staley's GoRuck GR1 and Osprey Med Camera Cube combo but I think that's... a little large for the Viper.

All this together can be turned into a Franken-monster of a handheld kit with Nikii's SmallRig cage; mounting the Osmo and Zoom with an additional left hand grip for stability when shooting rally cars or other cars racing around a track or forest circuit.

One thing I've noticed about shooting track days is that if I ever want proper quality images of individual cars, I do want a longer telephoto lens. At least a 70-200.

Given my general taste, Nikon's NIKKOR 70-200 and 2x telephoto do seem enticing. Although, Sigma's 70-200 and 150-600 on an ETZ adapted might... might be a better option.

I'd like to weigh the balance of adding 2 large lenses to an already limited backpack space and I'd like to consider the value of these lenses at our bi-annual family reunion when approaching dad with a request for a lens or lenses.

Owning a 70-200 is already potentially lucrative, so I suppose that's an additional talking point. The 70-200 is capable of a broad range of portrait opportunities, in addition to all other points.

...I suppose the grandest commentary would be that a proper lens would allow me access to competent photography skills in the face of conditions presented by dad's lifestyles. It would allow him to have his son confidently present for celebration of his life's work.

By all rationality, that would be a matter of pride for any loving father.

Reflections on the past - Dec 30th 2025 edition

I often think back on my experiences while trying to "fit in" with people I now understand I didn't belong around.

Losing Mom's Jeep; the one dad and I rebuilt for me to own is one of those experiences I often reflect on.

I was at a "party" that I really wasn't enjoying. I was on some meds and they jingled around in my backpack so a bunch of people found and divvied up my Adderall and Ativan and Klonopin amongst themselves. I should have left the moment that all started happening but I stayed.

Later that night, a woman in a corset started stumbling toward the door so I jumped up and asked for her keys. I think I may have reached out for them at one point but I basically blocked her and asked her a series of questions to gauge the clarity of her responses.

I eventually asked then pleaded for her to let me drive her home. I had my '99 Jeep Cherokee chilling in the street and I would have happily driven her home and either returned or drove myself home. Instead, she accepted the request as long as I drove her in her car.

I was hesitant at first because I'd never been anywhere near Detroit like this, let alone had to walk back to my car from god knows where.

I decided it was safer even if I had to stay at her place because at least I was keeping a drunk driver off the road.

All the guys at the party through gestures and smiles and thumbs up at me while I walked her to her car... then I drove her home. I wound up fingering her to squirting orgasm while sitting in her driveway. I thought we were done and she'd pass out, so I sat down on the couch in her front room but she beckoned me toward the bedroom where she rode me for what had to be hours. I was uncomfortable, felt trapped because I was in her house in the middle of an area I'd never been with my car sitting somewhere I already felt unsafe.

...I didn't orgasm. She got off twice which is cool for her.

When she dropped me off at my car, I went inside to try to get some rest but I could barely overcome the spikes of anxiety and lack of sleep with chemical dysregulation and missed prescriptions.

I was in college at Macomb Community College at the time and I had classes the next day so I tried to drive home, expecting to get proper rest but I wound up with a dead LG Intuition phone... and I was essentially lost without its GPS so between fumbling with that, dealing with a dysregulated nervous system full of anxiety I ran a red light and the rear bumper of my Jeep got clipped by a van with a mother and her kids driving.

I rolled twice with one full rotation completely airborne and landed upside down before sliding to a halt.

...

Also, the sex was horrible.

Do I believe in "evil?"

I think "evil" is an abstract and mystical concept tied to demons and devilry.

All biological beings are born with traits and characteristics aligned with learning and adapting to their world. Some are born with limitations to perception, cognition, sensation, etc.

One of our most fundamental drives is to understand our world, feed and consume to survive, to thrive and potentially propagate for genetic continuation. These things all rely on complex biomechanical systems which allow us to meet our basic needs, when given a healthy social system meeting all emotional needs and an educational framework that's based on individual cognition and understanding.

I believe there can be fear-based cognitive detachment, emotional suppression, dysregulation and miscommunication along with adaptation toward so-called anti-social behaviors. These can be caused by inconsistency or fear in the child's environment or family of origins.

More often than we often want to acknowledge, conditioning factors and either inconsistent or half-assed social strategies from caregivers cause behaviors that when overlooked or punished instead of properly understood, cascade into what is commonly known as "evil" behaviors and personalities.

The interesting thing I've noticed is a pattern of people explaining serial killers as coming from "happy middle class families" when very often, those are the families with the most to lose and therefore they are presented with so much perfection that they shame, blame, punish and scapegoat their family systems into that image.

There's bound to be maladaptive behavioral strategies. We just don't bother to look deep or examine workaholism, alcoholism, over-performed "niceness" or obsessions with religious rituals even so mundane as Sunday Mass.

Metacognition and Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Metacognition, the ability to recognize and correct our thoughts and understanding is apparently such a rare trait yet it's often distinguished above traditional intelligence. Additionally, emotional intelligence has been cited as the most accurate predictor of career success.

...and it's all teachable stuff.

Emotional intelligence and metacognition both require active mindfulness and relationships with friends, family and partners who allow us to sit in that space and relax through our processing. They also both have their own level of rational educational frameworks.

They're just rarely prioritized let along spoken about.

Punishing a kid or even an adult for mistakes doesn’t encourage deeper thought. In fact, it stunts deeper thought. Metacognition is encouraged by mentally reflecting on the thoughts and decisions that led to a mistake.

For parents who claim, "you should have known better," what you're really saying is, "I never bothered to properly educate you on the understanding and cognition to make choices like this but I'm going to punish you for it instead of teaching you now... which only teaches your kid to hide more, conceal their decisions and feelings and avoid you when considering complex issues.

I’m a firm believer in standardized communication courses in schools. Educating common and uncommon models from Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication to E-Prime because I know tons of people who would have eaten e-prime up just for their own sense of satisfied accuracy.

The system can’t change until we collectively acknowledge where it’s “broken” and our most basic concern always points to one fundamental flaw... Ignorance.

Both general ignorance, cultural ignorance and conditioned rigidity of thought patterns which is where metacognition can come into play.

When kids mess up, parents can sit and ask questions and even help the kid mentally work backwards to understand why they made those decisions. That could encourage more self-aware, metacognitive adults.

One of my main concerns there is that I’ve learned from experience that some parents have zero time for their kids with the stress of work and personal lifestyle. Some parents also don’t understand how learning works. Kids learn from routine.

You can’t teach a kid once then tell them to fuck off every time they get it wrong.

Learning metacognition requires ample time and mental energy to actively and consistently help them walk through what they did and how it affected the world. That’s the way they’ll internalize metacognition.

Another concern I have is that systemically brainwashed, potentially toxic masculine people might scream, “kids gotta learn the world ain’t gonna baby em!” and they won’t bother helping their kids learn that necessary skill, thus perpetuating a half-witted cognitive development cycle.