The ways he communicates...
Jan. 4th, 2026 01:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seeyatI've been learning not to fawn. I've been internalizing the message of value and the importance of all actions and gestures. This means... I'm also learning to stand up for people and subtly push back against 'bullying.'
So, here are some things I could respond with when my father inevitably makes underhanded, judgmental comments:
If he says something like, “That mattress is shit” (or makes subtle hints around the quality of it, appearance of stains, ripped edges, etc) It was free, available without a holiday just because caring people had it to offer. Your son is POOR. Please stop holding me to your privileged standards.
A particular response to, “You’ve never had to work a day in your life.” You’re right. You stole that right from me when you placed me on disability at age 15. I’m now in therapy to reconcile the emotional and social wounds caused by the isolation.
...
There's more to process and a much broader framework to start working on in me. I only wish I'd recognized my need for assertiveness when my mother was alive and we had family and friends so integrally connected with the web of communication and support mom nurtured and encouraged.
My sister was much more relaxed and supportive when mom and some of our family were able to play an active, educational and often directly present role. Now, she seems to lean into a sort of... state of fear around general mortality and the dwindling network we always relied on.
Resulting from this, we're all on edge... and I feel it to an extreme extent, given the disability income, guardianship and legal restrictions around taxable work.
Creative work; photography, videography... art, painting, drawing... I've experienced too much inconsistency, isolation and punitive correction to maintain the consistent energy for voice acting roles... these are the most practical path for me, at least until I work with my therapist into confirmed consistency and we approach the court once more.
I tried and failed a petition to terminate guardianship in 2022. This time, I plan on cultivating a robust social network of supportive and respectable individuals. I'm weeding out grindset-minded people and people who work themselves to exhaustion only to spend the rest of their days high or drunk.
This is... like rebirth, I suppose.
Dad's never been so distant. He usually makes an extreme effort to maintain an image but perhaps his version of that image has shifted. That, or he's become busy enough not to care and only exist for me in empty promises.
That's the nature of emotional immaturity. He's not vindictive, but he does hold grudges, especially against people who remind him of himself who may have a better life or more respect than him.
All of these behaviors may have rooted themselves into my own psyche so these are very important observations to consider and integrate with my own understanding of self.
They are things to challenge, smother and saturate in the opposite direction; love, appreciation, gratitude, active listening and emotional supportiveness.
So, here are some things I could respond with when my father inevitably makes underhanded, judgmental comments:
If he says something like, “That mattress is shit” (or makes subtle hints around the quality of it, appearance of stains, ripped edges, etc) It was free, available without a holiday just because caring people had it to offer. Your son is POOR. Please stop holding me to your privileged standards.
A particular response to, “You’ve never had to work a day in your life.” You’re right. You stole that right from me when you placed me on disability at age 15. I’m now in therapy to reconcile the emotional and social wounds caused by the isolation.
...
There's more to process and a much broader framework to start working on in me. I only wish I'd recognized my need for assertiveness when my mother was alive and we had family and friends so integrally connected with the web of communication and support mom nurtured and encouraged.
My sister was much more relaxed and supportive when mom and some of our family were able to play an active, educational and often directly present role. Now, she seems to lean into a sort of... state of fear around general mortality and the dwindling network we always relied on.
Resulting from this, we're all on edge... and I feel it to an extreme extent, given the disability income, guardianship and legal restrictions around taxable work.
Creative work; photography, videography... art, painting, drawing... I've experienced too much inconsistency, isolation and punitive correction to maintain the consistent energy for voice acting roles... these are the most practical path for me, at least until I work with my therapist into confirmed consistency and we approach the court once more.
I tried and failed a petition to terminate guardianship in 2022. This time, I plan on cultivating a robust social network of supportive and respectable individuals. I'm weeding out grindset-minded people and people who work themselves to exhaustion only to spend the rest of their days high or drunk.
This is... like rebirth, I suppose.
Dad's never been so distant. He usually makes an extreme effort to maintain an image but perhaps his version of that image has shifted. That, or he's become busy enough not to care and only exist for me in empty promises.
That's the nature of emotional immaturity. He's not vindictive, but he does hold grudges, especially against people who remind him of himself who may have a better life or more respect than him.
All of these behaviors may have rooted themselves into my own psyche so these are very important observations to consider and integrate with my own understanding of self.
They are things to challenge, smother and saturate in the opposite direction; love, appreciation, gratitude, active listening and emotional supportiveness.
