(no subject)

[seeyat]

I've noticed some people in the kink community, particularly BDSM kinksters and doms, have taken issue with my boundaries against dominance. I have a fundamental boundary against 'power-over' structured dynamics, D/s and domination dynamics. I believe there is a conditioned competitive dominance mentality which only finds secure presence when in a position of control because our society is built on hierarchical dominance structures which condition certain insecurities and competences that I fundamentally disagree with and want to only understand and empathize with. These structures are built on conditioning our neurobiology to favor dominance, power play or submission to circumstances. They play on the way we learn and develop to shape winners and losers... toughness. The only 'softness' in these social structures is often viewed as weakness.

I prefer encouragement, pleasure play, positive stimulation and sensualism. ...and it's a common question to ask, "What are your boundaries?" to which I often say I don't do D/s or dominance.

Without fail, someone presses the issue as though there's some insecurity or perhaps a desire to change my mind... or to dominate the value system at play.

...it's okay to acknowledge when someone's boundaries trigger us. That's how we become more aware of ourselves.

The thing about dom consciousness is that it fundamentally wants to know, to be in control, to hold the power and understanding and to be right.

THAT is literally why I have no interest in feeding that particular wolf in me.

Comments

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I have a fundamental boundary against 'power-over' structured dynamics, D/s and domination dynamics. <<

Totally fine. There are plenty of people who are not interested in D/s at all, and may instead identify as top/bottom because they are into it for the sensation not the power dynamics.

>> I prefer encouragement, pleasure play, positive stimulation and sensualism. <<

You are not alone. Other people like those too, and may be really turned off by domination, pain, etc.

>>Without fail, someone presses the issue as though there's some insecurity or perhaps a desire to change my mind... or to dominate the value system at play.<<

That is extremely bad manners and a sign not to play with those people. I'm sorry that you've met so many crummy kinksters.

You might have better luck with a completely different community. I've seen some appalling ones in my time, and also much better ones.

Re: Thoughts

[seeyat]

Thank you so much for commenting. I've certainly considered alternative communities and maybe showing up to a few munches with a supportive friend just to limit the pressed commentary.

I know there are sensualists whom I deeply appreciate and feel encouraged by. I've got a bit of a harsh ADHD brain which makes immersive sensualism rather difficult. Pleasure play has always been fulfilling. It's just engaging enough to get me task-oriented and remain devoted to my partner's sensations and feelings.

I remain hopeful.

Re: Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>Thank you so much for commenting. <<

I'm happy I could help. Everyone deserves to find pleasure.

>>I've certainly considered alternative communities and maybe showing up to a few munches with a supportive friend just to limit the pressed commentary.<<

Good idea. If you scout around, you'll get a wider view of what's available.

I also suggest reading books about sensuality and kink. There are a LOT of things that aren't about pain or domination at all. There's a whole thing called sploshing for folks who enjoy wearing food. Some people are just into the dressing up, which can get pretty elaborate. You might find new things to try. And the books generally agree that boundaries are essential to kink, thus anyone who disrespects your boundaries is a dangerous asshole. It doesn't matter what your boundaries are.

>>I know there are sensualists whom I deeply appreciate and feel encouraged by.<<

That's good.

>> I've got a bit of a harsh ADHD brain which makes immersive sensualism rather difficult.<<

That's a fairly common issue. Some ADHD folks love bondage because it settles their brain, relieves them of choices, or both; but others hate it. Pressure is pretty popular though.

>> Pleasure play has always been fulfilling. It's just engaging enough to get me task-oriented and remain devoted to my partner's sensations and feelings.<<

That's good to hear.