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seeyatI just keep beating myself up and totally devastating my self-esteem when I think of the decade I lost after listening to a community consciousness bent on turning me into a drummer from no framework of instrumental awareness at all. I say this as objectively as possible. ...no judgment for anyone hoping I'd play an instrument. I just don't care... I never have. Every musical instrument I've ever owned has just sat and gathered dust.
The only thing I ever fully threw myself into was photoshop editing, obsessively collecting other people's work to modify and at one point, taking my own photos to edit... and now that I have my camera I'm super stoked to revitalize that part of me.
Heck, I'd even log into Asheron's Call, turn on Decal and have the game play itself as I tabbed over and played with layers, cutting out elements and cleaning up their edges then pasting them into carefully prepared environments then adjusting levels... I loved it.
It got me nowhere, especially through the years I spent living in group homes and psych facilities where either internet or the computers themselves were absent but I loved it.
Then I bought an Xbox 360 and sat in a room at Beacon Specialized Living Services purely to avoid traditionally misogynistic conversations and stories about drug use. ...that didn't end well. Now people think I'm a "gamer." I'm more of a hardcore casual who doesn't really want to be doing it but there's nothing better to do, so... video games. I definitely don't have a conversational consciousness around them because I genuinely don't hold them in that high regard.
...buying a drum set just to stare at it goes up there with the worst decisions I ever made and I did it purely because I wanted to 'fit in' with people I shouldn't have even cared to associate with.
I constantly remind myself that straightedge community consciousness will protect me, my camera will enlighten and guide me, photography and music will save my heart, voice acting will keep me and family entertained while my vasectomy will give me a second chance and Nonviolent Communication will quell any conflict found along the way.
...just a Monday rumination. Thanks for coming to my TED rant.
The only thing I ever fully threw myself into was photoshop editing, obsessively collecting other people's work to modify and at one point, taking my own photos to edit... and now that I have my camera I'm super stoked to revitalize that part of me.
Heck, I'd even log into Asheron's Call, turn on Decal and have the game play itself as I tabbed over and played with layers, cutting out elements and cleaning up their edges then pasting them into carefully prepared environments then adjusting levels... I loved it.
It got me nowhere, especially through the years I spent living in group homes and psych facilities where either internet or the computers themselves were absent but I loved it.
Then I bought an Xbox 360 and sat in a room at Beacon Specialized Living Services purely to avoid traditionally misogynistic conversations and stories about drug use. ...that didn't end well. Now people think I'm a "gamer." I'm more of a hardcore casual who doesn't really want to be doing it but there's nothing better to do, so... video games. I definitely don't have a conversational consciousness around them because I genuinely don't hold them in that high regard.
...buying a drum set just to stare at it goes up there with the worst decisions I ever made and I did it purely because I wanted to 'fit in' with people I shouldn't have even cared to associate with.
I constantly remind myself that straightedge community consciousness will protect me, my camera will enlighten and guide me, photography and music will save my heart, voice acting will keep me and family entertained while my vasectomy will give me a second chance and Nonviolent Communication will quell any conflict found along the way.
...just a Monday rumination. Thanks for coming to my TED rant.
