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I don’t yet have a lesson here because I’m musing about the idea and trying to identify healthy and unhealthy (according to collective social health) habits and behaviors in myself and people I know.
"Narcissism" and "narcissistic behaviors" are different from "a narcissist" ...and none are the official diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There are specific criteria... but I want to describe what narcissistic traits might be in a non-pathological sense.
Narcissistic people and narcissistic systems have something in common. They’ll isolate you, prevent alternative connections, tell you they care and tell you you’re alone so you begin to fundamentally feel as though they are the only option; the only source of love. What they really want is to use you. They want to use you for whatever it is they really want for themselves.
A healthy relationship wants to help you live a social and emotionally healthy, fulfilling life. They know you are an individual, deserving of dynamic affection and connection from as many sources and in as many healthy ways as meets your needs.
That includes meeting needs for autonomy, challenge, learning, socializing, intimacy...
A narcissistic system tries to convince you they’re the only source… and that their plans and “care” are the best or only.
They convince us that nowhere else and nobody else is safe.
There are narcissistic individuals, narcissistic friend structures, narcissistic family systems… and narcissistic communities and political parties.
A “healthy amount of narcissism” can protect the self, but the moment it starts limiting, harming or controlling others, it slips into what most of us traditionally know as narcissism. …toxic, controlling, self-serving, isolating or segregating, self-inflating and essentially socially competitive.
Friends groups can convince someone they only need their support, kinda like the friend in Truman Show slipped in coercion and reminders that Truman doesn’t need anyone else and pretended he only needed Truman and the town.
Friends can do it around their hobbies or lifestyles; weed bonding, bar-bonding, boat-bonding, TV-bonding, whatever… your lifestyle of choice. You can enjoy things but the moment you tell anyone it’s all anyone needs… there’s implied limitation.
Implied limitation can make people’s world smaller, especially those with low self-esteem.
"Narcissism" and "narcissistic behaviors" are different from "a narcissist" ...and none are the official diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There are specific criteria... but I want to describe what narcissistic traits might be in a non-pathological sense.
Narcissistic people and narcissistic systems have something in common. They’ll isolate you, prevent alternative connections, tell you they care and tell you you’re alone so you begin to fundamentally feel as though they are the only option; the only source of love. What they really want is to use you. They want to use you for whatever it is they really want for themselves.
A healthy relationship wants to help you live a social and emotionally healthy, fulfilling life. They know you are an individual, deserving of dynamic affection and connection from as many sources and in as many healthy ways as meets your needs.
That includes meeting needs for autonomy, challenge, learning, socializing, intimacy...
A narcissistic system tries to convince you they’re the only source… and that their plans and “care” are the best or only.
They convince us that nowhere else and nobody else is safe.
There are narcissistic individuals, narcissistic friend structures, narcissistic family systems… and narcissistic communities and political parties.
A “healthy amount of narcissism” can protect the self, but the moment it starts limiting, harming or controlling others, it slips into what most of us traditionally know as narcissism. …toxic, controlling, self-serving, isolating or segregating, self-inflating and essentially socially competitive.
Friends groups can convince someone they only need their support, kinda like the friend in Truman Show slipped in coercion and reminders that Truman doesn’t need anyone else and pretended he only needed Truman and the town.
Friends can do it around their hobbies or lifestyles; weed bonding, bar-bonding, boat-bonding, TV-bonding, whatever… your lifestyle of choice. You can enjoy things but the moment you tell anyone it’s all anyone needs… there’s implied limitation.
Implied limitation can make people’s world smaller, especially those with low self-esteem.
