How it felt being a people-pleaser
Jan. 11th, 2026 07:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seeyatI want to share my experience with being a people-pleaser around some communities that came into my life, as if by force... and refused to allow me to speak.
When I finally did speak, life became chaos.
I feel like I was being externally manipulated and socially coerced into being a musician. I wound up losing everything; friends, family, community, financial support and resources... just saying, “NO” to having my own kids, boats, sports, drums, pianos, guitars, violent sex, alcohol and other substances.
...just because I finally found some small breath of my own voice saying, “this is who I am” in a cartoonish voice with a camera in my hand.
I finally shared my values and the world and its inner-workings said, “fuck you.” Some of the manipulation found ways of saying, “you’re lying,” “shut up,” “be like us.” The worst is willing to say, “you don’t like you,” “you’ll like being us.”
I feel like I lost my soul, because the one that found me... or claimed me, wasn't mine.
When I finally did speak, life became chaos.
I feel like I was being externally manipulated and socially coerced into being a musician. I wound up losing everything; friends, family, community, financial support and resources... just saying, “NO” to having my own kids, boats, sports, drums, pianos, guitars, violent sex, alcohol and other substances.
...just because I finally found some small breath of my own voice saying, “this is who I am” in a cartoonish voice with a camera in my hand.
I finally shared my values and the world and its inner-workings said, “fuck you.” Some of the manipulation found ways of saying, “you’re lying,” “shut up,” “be like us.” The worst is willing to say, “you don’t like you,” “you’ll like being us.”
I feel like I lost my soul, because the one that found me... or claimed me, wasn't mine.
