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seeyatI have never been able to find any content related to my sister’s golden child experience. She and I have at least 3, separate, yet interconnected family systems.
Our dad absolutely favored her and still does. She’s the most wealthy and successful, and also the most heavily gifted and celebrated... still invested in.
However, she also clearly knows and understands what she is to dad... and she’s very secure in that understanding. Dad was always sort of alone in his emotional immaturity and mom made sure we had plentiful external influence for emotional support and understanding.
She also assured I had monthly therapy. Mom has passed and I’m now in weekly therapy at age 38.
Our aunt, who was once married to mom’s brother... remarried and she remained an integral support and educational influence in my sister and I’s life. Her family; firefighter and educator husband, his 3 kids, her son and their shared daughter were closer to us than dad, himself... especially at his peak of work stress and responsibilities.
Everyone just sort of accepted that dad was distracted and often emotionally presented as the young kid he was during his own emotional abandonment wounds.
His older brother was profoundly disabled and unable to even navigate stairs without 5 minutes of very attentive guidance. Their parents built a small 2 story house with 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, a full bathroom and dining area on both floors in order to accommodate him. So, naturally, dad wasn’t fully emotionally cared for and he got the bulk of punishment and parentification.
My sister is his greatest accomplishment. She knows it... and she was always extremely supportive of me, even when facing dad’s scapegoating. She just only talked about it when she knew we were alone together... quietly and apologetically. She would press dad toward helping me or focusing on efforts toward me as if she were trying to make him feel bad about not giving equal or appropriate attention. She’d also give suggestions that would let her maintain a relationship with her brother after his death... and she’d sort of imply it and dance around things instead of being direct.
I’m still trying to break this down in therapy.
Our aunt and her husband would straight up call dad out on his bullshit with a quick, pointed comment and my sister always respected that. She looked to our aunt for guidance even after she had kids. In fact, part of why her husband married her and his friends remained connected was the community effort around our aunt, her kids and how perfectly we all got along.
Things only fall apart or get vague in moments when dad successfully feeds or starves people into isolation and he successfully dazzles and distracts people into fascination around his own life; boats, sports cars and general success.
Our grandparents home is now a lake house he owns and has renovated a bit.
There’s plentiful family systems psychology to break down... and I’m not a professional.
I’m just trying to recover from scapegoating now that dad’s primary scapegoat, mom has passed.
Still... dad’s never malignant or vicious. He’s avoidant and will lie about wrongdoing publicly then get very generous almost apologetically. He still holds firm to most lies... especially if the truth seems to threaten the security of his public relationships.
He likes to sweep things under the rug and some of his traits have disseminated into a somewhat emotionally avoidant immediate social cluster.
My sister did start working at 15, making regional manager at 17... and she had a vast Catholic education and social system raising her with dad’s money.
She was often referred to as “too smart for [her] own good” just as I was occasionally.
I often have trouble reconciling the clear differences I always notice in descriptions and videos like this. We have this oddly prosperous homeostasis in our family.
Our dad absolutely favored her and still does. She’s the most wealthy and successful, and also the most heavily gifted and celebrated... still invested in.
However, she also clearly knows and understands what she is to dad... and she’s very secure in that understanding. Dad was always sort of alone in his emotional immaturity and mom made sure we had plentiful external influence for emotional support and understanding.
She also assured I had monthly therapy. Mom has passed and I’m now in weekly therapy at age 38.
Our aunt, who was once married to mom’s brother... remarried and she remained an integral support and educational influence in my sister and I’s life. Her family; firefighter and educator husband, his 3 kids, her son and their shared daughter were closer to us than dad, himself... especially at his peak of work stress and responsibilities.
Everyone just sort of accepted that dad was distracted and often emotionally presented as the young kid he was during his own emotional abandonment wounds.
His older brother was profoundly disabled and unable to even navigate stairs without 5 minutes of very attentive guidance. Their parents built a small 2 story house with 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, a full bathroom and dining area on both floors in order to accommodate him. So, naturally, dad wasn’t fully emotionally cared for and he got the bulk of punishment and parentification.
My sister is his greatest accomplishment. She knows it... and she was always extremely supportive of me, even when facing dad’s scapegoating. She just only talked about it when she knew we were alone together... quietly and apologetically. She would press dad toward helping me or focusing on efforts toward me as if she were trying to make him feel bad about not giving equal or appropriate attention. She’d also give suggestions that would let her maintain a relationship with her brother after his death... and she’d sort of imply it and dance around things instead of being direct.
I’m still trying to break this down in therapy.
Our aunt and her husband would straight up call dad out on his bullshit with a quick, pointed comment and my sister always respected that. She looked to our aunt for guidance even after she had kids. In fact, part of why her husband married her and his friends remained connected was the community effort around our aunt, her kids and how perfectly we all got along.
Things only fall apart or get vague in moments when dad successfully feeds or starves people into isolation and he successfully dazzles and distracts people into fascination around his own life; boats, sports cars and general success.
Our grandparents home is now a lake house he owns and has renovated a bit.
There’s plentiful family systems psychology to break down... and I’m not a professional.
I’m just trying to recover from scapegoating now that dad’s primary scapegoat, mom has passed.
Still... dad’s never malignant or vicious. He’s avoidant and will lie about wrongdoing publicly then get very generous almost apologetically. He still holds firm to most lies... especially if the truth seems to threaten the security of his public relationships.
He likes to sweep things under the rug and some of his traits have disseminated into a somewhat emotionally avoidant immediate social cluster.
My sister did start working at 15, making regional manager at 17... and she had a vast Catholic education and social system raising her with dad’s money.
She was often referred to as “too smart for [her] own good” just as I was occasionally.
I often have trouble reconciling the clear differences I always notice in descriptions and videos like this. We have this oddly prosperous homeostasis in our family.
