Childfree By Choice For A Reason

When I post something about “children” and behavioral development, I’m not speaking as a father. I’m speaking from a self-comforting lens of, “I finally feel seen. Now starts the healing.”

I’ve had too many people praise my energy around kids and my knowledge and understanding without accepting that my nervous system’s a pile of shit and I’ll need therapy for the rest of my life just to feel human.

I’m a SINK uncle at best. Would love a SINK partner with complementary and/or magnifying values and passions so we’re able to nurture an encouraging and supportive, potentially inspiring relationship and home for ourselves as a creative DINK aunts and uncles.

Yes, kids deserve love and support. They also deserve ancillary love, nurture and inspiration. That’s what I’d like to be… with considerable downtime for rest and expressive creativity.

I have vastly different values from the majority of mechanical and engineering male minds of my family. I haven't, won't and don't want to exist in their framework of consciousness. So it's already hard enough to feel safe in the feminine-esque internal spaces in which I feel most at home.

I have a vasectomy. No, I won't adopt. I don't want that life... I want a fruitful, hopeful, explorative, creative, restful life engaged with a much larger world than the tiny little American boater's life my father cultivated.

I prioritize the expression of strangers and the feelings when meeting new people. I prioritize learning about new cultures from those cultures... not from a TV. I don't want to pass out in front of a TV until it plays late-night prison drama nonsense the way my father did because he burnt himself out, earning and building physical things with ZERO emotional maturity or healthy nurturing communication skills.

He had tons of money and paid people to raise us. I have fixed disability income and a history of mental health challenges with copious trauma from the ways in which things were handled and the attributing experiences.

I've been in weekly therapy for 2 years again and I'm just barely reaching a safe point from which to navigate leaving guardianship and working my way off disability income which I've been on since age 15.

>>>

Your priorities are not mine.

Straightedge - Radical Sobriety: another rant

I’ve got plenty of reasons to swear off alcohol. The first of which is that my cousin, Jaque was murdered by a drunk driver when I was a kid... sent the dashboard of his friend’s car through his neck. He was the only fatality. His friends all sat in the car, waiting for rescue... one spiraled for years since he witnessed it.

Another reason is that the only people who’ve ever pushed it on me have been noticeable users. Same with weed, they only wanted me doing it so they could use in my first apartment.

Most fundamental is the neurotoxic effects of alcohol. It’s not meant to be in our body. It’s not meant to be in our cells.

It causes liver damage, neurological dysruption, cognitive decline... cell death.

On top of all that, my body generally doesn’t respond well to substances. I spent way too long ignoring my own body, avoiding my feelings about the community that seemed dead-set on sucking me in and leeching me dry.

No thank you.

I’m straightedge. I have multiple straightedge X tattoos and signs up in my townhouse outlawing smoking, vaping, drugs and alcohol in comical yet sincere ways. I also have an 18x18 print of Davey Havok singing for XTRMST on my wall. Listen to XTRMST. You’ll understand why that’s relevant.