What brings you hope?

My weekly meetings with my therapist plus additional weekly meetings with Yvette Erasmus’ Conversations From The Heart community bring me hope along with pretty consistent communication skills studies and adaptations for emotional empathy in a radically non-conducive world.

Marshall Rosenberg’s work and Nonviolent Communication bring me hope.

The way the lgbt community is standing up for itself and I see so many people peacefully protesting the current administration brings me hope.

My cousin who’s now retired after 17 years of being a city supervisor brings me hope. My uncle, a retired fire chief and educator brings me hope. His daughter, a 911 operator and her husband, a cop brings me hope. My good friend and his brother, current firefighter, brings me hope. Their family of healthcare workers and educators bring me hope. My brother in law’s sister, a teacher, brings me hope. My friend from high school, a college educator, brings me hope.

That I know so many beautiful, capable people who are truly doing all they can for people, brings me hope.

My friend from junior high and my buddy’s girlfriend currently attending college in their 30s brings me hope. My cousin, now in his 40s and retired from the Air Force, just finishing his associates degree gives me hope.

My straightedge tattoos and Scout determination plus reconnecting with BSA friends and childhood friends bring me hope. My vasectomy brings me hope.

My sister’s children and all the literally dozens of amazing kids in my family bring me hope.

My brother in law and his dad’s small business that I could potentially work at brings me hope. That I have a current, valid enhanced license brings me hope.

I also have a camera and a family of people who love to be celebrated. My brother in law and sister have a million dollar Star Wars basement and half a dozen or more cosplay, some commissioned for thousands of dollars and they know quite a few comic and toy collectible traders and collectors who could use a proper photographer… and my father is a Dodge Viper engineer who’s currently touring North America with his gen IV Viper and trailer to be driven at raceways across the continent.

Dad's friends also own and race the 2 SRT Neons his buddy and him built back in the early 00s with a few other cars under Jankowski Motorsport.

Plus a few cousins have a large amount of collector cars they race on track days and bring to auto shows.

Being a photographer is bringing me hope.

…and I’m hoping to differentiate from people who want me to use my camera for their OF content but I’m also desperate for loving community so there’s that.

Polyvagal Theory, PTMF and NVC

Polyvagal theory is a fresh perspective on understanding our nervous systems and how they function.

We have all heard of fight, flight and freeze... there's also fawn and flop... which align with polyvagal theory quite well.

In polyvagal theory, we have three nervous system states. The first is Ventral, which is calm, chill... vented... and receptive. I liken ventral to vented and breathing.

Then there are "activated" states of Sympathetic and Dorsal. Sympathetic activation is when we are in a fight or flight mode; quickened pulse, quicker breathing, acute awareness and will to react Dorsal is when our body's metabolism slows and we fall into a sort of shut down; freeze, fawn and flop... flop is essentially total body shut down and going limp.

Perpetual Dorsal state can come from being powerless in restrictive environments and because of its link to Sympathetic activation there's also a potentially unpredictable chance of fight or flighty behaviors and reactiveness. That stress drive seems to be where society commonly wants some people to be... and society administers alcohol and legalized weed to numb our bodies to the sensation of it and keep us stuck there.

I recently found something called The Power Threat Meaning Framework; a new paper authored by Dr Lucy Johnstone and Mary Boyle in the UK. The PTMF is a new approach to psychiatric diagnosis, focusing on individual narrative, personal power and the meaning of our experiences to more accurately assess and implement treatment options. Dr Johnstone's hope is to limit the amount of rampant overmedication for psychologically treatable issues.

Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is a very useful communication model focusing on objective observation, our own understood feelings, the underpinning human needs involved and a clear and succinct request. Dr Rosenberg's model also accounts for something called e-prime which is a specific form of english devoid of the verb "to be" as an identity characteristic... say, calling people crazy, an asshole, stupid... etc.

The goal of e-prime is to be more clear on context; "This person [acted stupidly] when they ran into traffic to grab a rock from the middle of the road" or "this person [acted like an asshole] when they cut in line at the pharmacy."

Interestingly, when we say "this person cut in line" we don't tie attributing factors or identity to it. We don't know why they cut in line... could be because they're an asshole. Could also be because they're in a hurry and their child's sick at home.

There's a very succinct synopsis of some things I've been studying for around 2 or 3 years.

I know... I'm boring.

...polyvagal theory and NVC have very specific and extremely useful qualities in the context of anxiety and conflict resolution.